What's Your Line?

Let’s talk about pickup lines, boys and girls. You know … those wonderfully glib words used as introduction to desirable members of the opposite sex, hopefully rendering us irresistible. Guys probably have their favorites. Girls have their lists of most hated. I know I do. There must be a great divide. Guys don’t use their lines in front of girl friends. Girls are almost always picked up when their guy friends aren’t around. There is no natural method by which pickup lines are critiqued. Can I help you guys here? Can I be your bridge over troubled water?

Case in Point: My Most Hated Line EVER

Several weeks ago, Rachel* and I were engrossed in deep conversation when a guy approached saying, “Hey! Smile, you guys. Lighten up!” Does this sound like a pickup line to you? Well, the boy sat down next to me and chatted for several minutes before stepping back to the bar. The immediate effect of his comment was to make Rachel and me more self-conscious about our demeanor. We worked harder to look carefree and happy. Next thing we know, he’s back … telling us to cheer up again. After hearing this five times, I was more than a little annoyed with him. He gave me his phone number on a napkin, which stayed crumpled in my purse for about a week before I threw it away. Last weekend, same line, different guy. And, like the first guy, he thought repeating it made it better.

Why is this line so terrible? First, it’s unimaginative. Another word for it is lame. What kind of response does a guy expect? It gives us very little to work with. There isn’t much to say in response, which must be why they resort to repetition. Repeating a tired line, however, only makes it more tired. Trust me. Please, if you have to say it, say it only once. We can probably forgive your bad line if you aren’t cramming it down our throats. Secondly, it’s insulting. You see a woman to which you are attracted. You want to make a connection and get your foot in the door, so your best method is to tell her how unapproachable she looks? I know that isn’t your intent, but that’s exactly what is communicated. Then, after making her aware that she looks sour and after she’s tried to improve on it, you tell her to “smile.” That is when your ship begins to sink. You might as well have said, “Nice try, but you failed.” No sane woman wants to go out with someone who basically put her down in his very approach.

I know there are more bad lines out there, many of them worse than this, but I’m not going into lengthy analysis of them all. I wouldn’t mind hearing your most hated lines and what makes them terrible in the comments section of this post. Let me clarify what makes a line bad:

1. Lack of imagination. Don’t make random, impersonal comments. “Hey. How are you guys doing?” falls into this category. It sounds like a restaurant manager checking on customer satisfaction. Please avoid it. It isn’t fatal, but you don’t want her thinking, “Oh no. Here we go again.”
   
2. Unengaging remarks or questions. Making impersonal remarks limits her choices for response. While the line mentioned in #1 is friendly, her response will be, “Good. How are you?” and that’s about all she can do. This sort of line will only earn a response equivalent of “Hmph. That’s nice,” if anything at all. If used, you must have a follow-up line.
   
3. Unintentional insults. This happens more frequently than you may realize. Rule of thumb, if it implies anything negative at all, it’s an insult. Telling her to smile or cheer up implies that she looks bad. Telling her to change anything about herself, no matter how insignificant, implies that she isn’t good enough as she is. You will majorly strike out if you do so.
   
4. Grotesque flattery. This is when you pile it on so thick, or the compliments are so contrived, a girl feels like she needs to be hosed off. A little flattery goes a long way, but a lot of flattery sounds insincere. Back off, dude!

So, What Makes a Great Pickup Line?

Would I leave you with no guidance on how to do it right? What kind of pal would I be?

You may not have noticed, but my last post included an example of a great pickup line. While Rachel and I tried looking inconspicuous as a group walked by, my sister boldly stared and then engaged one of them with a simple remark.

“Looks like y’all are having fun!”

I know what you’re thinking. That’s too easy!! Doesn’t it fall under rule #1 by being unimaginative? Well, you’re right. It could, and maybe even should, but on that night, it didn’t, and I’ll tell you why. First of all, it was completely positive. People know that having fun makes you look like you’re a fun person, and everyone wants to think they’re fun to be around. It was complimentary. And while sounding rather generic, it wasn’t random. It indicated that his specific behavior had caught her attention. Next, it communicated an active interest. The line implies a tag of “…and I want to have fun, too!” Who can resist being told they look great, they look interesting, they would be fun to hang around, and someone wants to know them because of it?! Everything you want to communicate in one line! Now, was that so painful?

I must concede that, given the circumstance, this line may not always be as effective as it was that night. You could encounter someone that just went through a bad breakup, or who simply has a bad attitude that night or maybe permanently. (Well, looking at that list, why would you want it to work? Who needs extra baggage?) What I’m trying to say is that you should always have a backup. If the guy to whom Sis spoke had been shy, she would have gotten no more from him than a smile and maybe a thank you as he walked by. I like shy guys. I don’t want them exiting my orbit so quickly. So, what would be the next move? Ask a question. Questions require interaction. They demand response. And remember, you want it to start an engaging conversation. Generic and open-ended “how are you’s” won’t cut it. Ask about something specific and make it personal. My sister might have followed up her line with, “Do you like to dance?” “Do you dance a lot?” “Do you go to dance clubs?” and so on. Once he responded, she would have an answer to build on. “What are your favorite clubs?” or “I don’t like those either. I prefer live music. Are you familiar with any local bands?” By all means, guys, please have a full conversation with us before asking for our number. I may be an oddball in this regard, but I find it distasteful to ask for a girl’s number based purely on initial attraction. I’m very distrustful of it, also, for what have you offered to make her want your phone call? And don’t use that other very tired old line, “I just want to get to know you better.” At the end of a long conversation, it’s okay, but when you don’t know anything about her at all, where do you get the ‘better’ from? My immediate thought is always, “I’m right here, so get to know me.” I have a theory that guys who do this don’t want to get bogged down with one girl. There are too many women to meet and phone numbers to acquire. You can tell me if I’m wrong, but this is the impression I get, just so you know.

So, let me clarify what makes a good pickup line. I wouldn’t mind hearing about your good ones, as well, but be warned. If it’s one you use, you may open up a can of worms (i.e. criticism) by posting it here.

1. Show specific interest. Letting a girl know that something specific about her caught your attention will catch hers.
   
2. Be complimentary/positive. Tell her that she has an engaging smile, that she walks like a dancer, that her laugh is infectious. Don’t gush. Just one will do, and make it sincere. Don’t say it if it isn’t true. What made you notice her? Tell her. (Within reason. Colorful comments about her booty will not impress.)
   
3. Ask questions. Make certain there is one in your arsenal that requires more than a one-word answer, even if it has to be the follow-up question. Specific questions indicate more than a passing interest. The type of questions you ask and the interaction that ensues also tells her a lot about you.
   
4. Relate to her as an individual. If you notice a cross around her neck, a band logo on her jacket, or a movie star’s image on her handbag, she’s telling you something about herself without saying a word. This is her interest, maybe even her passion. Asking her about it is an easy way to start conversation, and your noticing it will make a good impression.

The best advice I have about pickup lines is to stop thinking of them as a means for getting a phone number or making a date. (Of course, if all you’re interested in is the proverbial booty call, this much work is contradictory to the easy lay.) Focus instead on the conversation being your ultimate goal and enjoy it. Think of the pressure it relieves. While hoping the conversation is a precursor for more, enjoy the moment for what it is. Meeting new people, sharing common interests, is a gift in itself. Not every girl you meet is going to be worth a phone call anyway. Why waste your time and hers?

* = Names have been changed to protect those whom I like.