A Change in Weather

It doesn’t take much when the world is falling apart all around us to make us believe that it is by our fault. I suppose that’s because the world falling apart is the one of our own making and the only one we know.

But then you rebuild. And in the rebuilding, realize that it isn’t the only world possible. In fact, although it was a world of your own creation, the destruction of which you resisted and have deeply grieved, you realize it wasn’t a world you even wanted.

A storm came and my world changed.

It had been changing for over a year, but this time a wind swept in so mighty, I was forced to take account of all that I once had versus all I now possessed and to weigh the difference. I found it not to be as great as I had once believed, and my rebuilding began.

Beerfest, that long honored tradition among my friends … one which began for us as the SoHB’s birthday celebration 4 years earlier … had come around again. As with any event which had become a tradition with the SoHB, I anticipated seeing him there, with or without the girlfriend, and endeavored to brace myself for anything that might come. I was intrigued and a bit relieved to learn he would be staying home that evening. I didn’t know the reason for his absence, but I was free to enjoy the event without hindrance. He wouldn’t interfere, and neither would the hurricane churning in the gulf. Beerfest would go on as planned for all of us.

And it was a fun time, even if it lacked the luster of the glory days before my Great Sadness. I was amazed to find myself carrying on intense conversation with the normally taciturn Big Red on several occasions, even started suspecting he might fancy me in some way.

Beerfest is always over before anyone is ready to call it a night. While sitting in Hayley’s, glibly chatting away with our dwindled group, The Flirt started trying to coax Rachel* into flashing him a breast. She teasingly denied him, but he continued pressing for her to do it just as she had done before. I was lightly amused, and not a bit surprised. I could easily recall one drunken excursion in the same bar long ago when Rachel, indeed, flashed him. But when The Flirt commented that she could do it again just like she had the other night while out on the boat, my breath caught in my throat as my suspicions rose. I’d only heard reference to going “out on the boat” once before, and it was on a boat belonging to the SoHB’s brother. Could it be…? Could my good friend and confidante, Rachel, have been partying with the SoHB behind my back?

Big Red asked the question I was afraid to speak. He was apparently as much in the dark as I about their shared experience.

“What boat?” he asked casually.

The Flirt explained that they had been celebrating the SoHB’s birthday out on his brother’s boat where Rachel apparently became so intoxicated, she started flashing her breasts.

I stared at Rachel, but she would not look me in the eye. A cat had been let out of the bag … one that could change my opinion of her.

Later in the night as I sat alone, and she approached me.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asked.

I nodded.

“Are you mad?”

I nodded.

“What are you mad about?”

“I think you know.”

“Is it because I went to the SoHB’s birthday party?”

I nodded again. “Not really because you went so much, but that you didn’t tell me.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” she said right away, but I knew better than to believe she really understood.

The drive home was an animated exchange between us about how betrayed I felt over her keeping this from me while she claimed that she and Alley* (who had also gone to the party) had only wanted to spare my feelings, knowing I would get upset over it. She apologized again and again, explaining that, although Michele was giving the party, Alley* had been invited by Jeri*, a good friend of both her and the SoHB, and had in turn invited Rachel along for company. By the time we reached my home and I stood on my front stoop looking down into her plaintive face, I felt better for having spoken my peace, even if I didn’t have complete confidence in her apology. I walked into my home and greeted my dog feeling lighthearted and fairly certain our friendship would continue unfazed by this setback. I guess she felt the same way.

Then came the storm.


to be continued...

* = Names have been changed